Dang, it sure can be hard to be human. And this is precisely why I’ve chosen self-compassion as the topic for my second blog post.
Self-compassion is a fundamental part of how I approach every therapy client and session. Always. Shaming and criticizing oneself can be a catalyst for growth – but not a very sustainable one. Believe it or not, extending kind words and energy towards oneself can work wonders for self-development!
Listen. You probably wouldn’t call your best friend or partner a piece of shit, right? If one of your beloveds came to you with something they were mulling over, you likely wouldn’t suggest ‘just getting over it’. You woudn’t immediately compare them to someone else and wonder out loud ‘why you can’t be more like them?’.
So why do we do this to ourselves? Well, along the way we may have witnessed a parent berating themselves. We have likely experienced being shamed by a parent, teacher, or other formative figure. At some point, we may have decided we needed to keep ourselves in line to avoid further trauma.
This imprinted in us the toxic lesson that we must keep ourselves from being bad. But we’re not bad. We are simply flawed and human. Messy and beautiful.
Self-compassion teaches us to both accept where we are and to affect much needed change. However, we introduce change in ways that are meaningful and healthy. We figure out what works best for us, not for Sally-next-door.
A great resource to support us in developing more compassion for ourselves is the work of Dr. Kristin Neff. She has made it her lifetime calling to study and share self-compassion practices Here is a link to her website, full of useful practices, free of charge: https://self-compassion.org/.